Of Fries, The Perfect Brunch, and The Perfect Man Part II

For those of you who read Part I and have been waiting to find out how the perfect brunch relates to meeting the perfect man…  here is Part II

It was March this year, and I had just enrolled into a seven-month leadership program. The perfect man (let’s call him Mr V) was also in the same program.

The first time I met him, I saw a skinny, average-looking Indian man. He wore glasses, a light pink long sleeve button-down shirt, and black trousers. He appeared well-mannered and friendly. We exchanged a few polite words in the kitchen as he ate Daal from his lunchbox.

Within a few seconds of meeting him, I had mentally assessed him and decided that he was one of those goody-two-shoes typical Indian boy who’s probably never had to do anything himself. And why was he being so nice and helpful? Who’s he trying to impress? Not to mention the fact that I had a no-Indian men policy. Dated them before and it’s pretty much been a no-go zone for the past 10 years.

My cocky self also decided that since Indian men tend to fall for me (well, is it considered cocky if it’s true? :P), I figured I’d better not interact with this guy much, or he might think he has a chance.

So I spent the next four months of the program pretty much ignoring him. It was a class of about 20 people, and I was friendly towards everyone except him. I was civil towards him and exchanged pleasantries, but I made sure our conversations never lasted longer than a minute, and that we were never seated next to each other.

Everyone seemed to like him and had only good things to say about him – which annoyed me even more because come on, don’t they know that no one is that great? He could be a sociopath for all we know!

Fast forward to one fine day in July.

It’s 10 minutes before class and I’m walking through the hallway to get to class. Mr V was standing there.. and maybe it was his new haircut, or the fact that I was officially off men-tox, or both… but he looked so good I literally could not stop staring at him!

I started taking more notice of him from that day on, and found myself impressed by the things he’d share in class. I began to see him as a nice person, but I then decided he’s probably too nice and can’t handle me. And in my mind, he was still this typical Indian boy, so he’s probably looking for a meek Indian girl to become his house-wife, and that’s definitely not my cup of tea.

Fine, I’ll admit he’s nice and cute. But there was no way it was going to work out between us. All he can be is my eye-candy when I’m in class.

During this time, as I said I’ve come off the men-tox, so I started dating again.


Of Fries, The Perfect Brunch, and The Perfect Man Part I

A year ago, I did a self-development program – Landmark – which completely altered the course of my life and opened up a whole new world for me. From being someone who was unfulfilled and constantly trying to find the ‘next’ thing that would make me happy, I was able to create a happy and fulfilling life I didn’t have to escape from.

A key part of creating a life I love included being totally honest with myself about what I want. And so I had to cough up – to myself and others- that while I kept saying I love being single, deep down I was just scared and I actually did want to be in a relationship.

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I started dating again. This time, it wasn’t just to pass time or have more stories to tell – but to have the kind of relationship I’ve always wanted. For those who have been following my blog, you know that I haven’t had a lot of success in this area. But I’m about to say (type) something very radical: I’m thrilled to report that I finally have a success story to share with you guys!

Let me tell you how it happened.

I’m a huge fan of brunch, and of course fries. The two don’t really seem to go together though, so my alternative for fries that I can justify eating for brunch is hash browns.

There are tons of cafes in my neighbourhood, and in over a year of being in the area, I’ve tried a few cafes, and narrowed down to only 2 cafes that served great brunch.  My definition of a ‘perfect brunch’ consists of: scrambled eggs, avocado, grilled tomato, mushrooms, spinach, avocado, and as I said, hash browns.

Neither of these 2 cafes served hash browns though, and I’ve googled cafes in the area which serve hash browns (yes, that’s how desperate I was), and found none to my disappointment. Anyhow, I would alternate between these 2 cafes as there’s wasn’t one café that had everything I wanted on one plate, let alone have hash browns.

There’s this one café which is also walking distance from my place, and I often walked pass, but never paid attention to. I’ve read a few good reviews about it, but each time I passed by, I got this feeling that it ‘wasn’t my style’. The place just didn’t have the usual ‘vibe’ I look for in a brunch place. So I never thought to give it a try in the one year or so that I’ve lived in the area.

Not long ago, I woke up and went for a walk while deciding where to have brunch between the 2 cafes. I wasn’t too hungry, so I kept walking along and came across this particular café. Instead of walking pass, for some reason that day I stopped in front of the café. They had outdoor seating which I love, and I was surprised I didn’t notice it before. I decided I might as well go in and take a look at the menu. So I walked towards the counter inside the cafe, picked up the menu and there it was:


Everything I wanted – all on one plate! Even the hashbrown! I almost couldn’t contain my excitement as I sat in that lovely café and devoured the best brunch I’ve had in a year.

So that’s how I found my perfect brunch :)

I’ve probably left you wondering how on earth this relates to my success in dating, didn’t I? I promise I’ll bridge it for you, but before I do that, I’d like to hear from you guys. What did you see, and what lessons can you take away from my perfect brunch incident?

Part II here

Of Fries and Where Is The Love?

I know it’s been a while since I blogged. To be honest it was mostly because I didn’t have much to share in regards to relationships and men since I declared a “men-tox” in January. 

So what have I been upto all this time? Well, the amazing thing is once I started focusing on myself and my life, instead of chasing after someone else, I was able to create a life that was fulfilling for me. Some key highlights of what’s been happening with me: 

  • I am now running drama and poetry workshops for young people 
  • I just produced my first-ever short film
  • I went to Kenya to volunteer at an orphange 
  • I recently quit my job in order to pursue my passion 

It’s a completely new experience for me to wake up each day and be thrilled about the life I have. Life without men was drama-free and peaceful. For the first time, I was able to simply be happy with myself and my life, without needing someone else to make me feel loved and validated. 

All of that was great, and I’ve never felt more complete. But it also made me wonder if my new-found optimism and fulfilment meant that I’m ready to get back into the dating scene. 

Some friends suggested I try online dating, and my first reaction was “ew no!”, which made me think wow, when did I become someone who judges something before even giving it a try. So I gave online dating a try, mainly to prove to myself that I’m not a judgmental bitch. And I gotta say, the whole online experience made me realize I actually AM a judgmental bitch! If they have bad grammar or like Justin Bieber, they’re off my list. If their favourite pastime is clubbing, they’re off. If they’re too keen, they’re off. If they answered questions in a dull and predictable way, they’re off. 

So anyway, I came across this guy who states in his profile that he’s “above average intelligence”. At first I found that to be really cocky, but then I became intrigued and saw it as a challenge. So we started to communicate. 

Today we met up for the first time. He seemed like a cool person, and we have things in common which is nice. But there were no sparks- at least not from my part. I wasn’t wow’d by who he is or what he said.

At the end of the night, he messaged me to say that he likes me and would love to meet up again. I knew there was no point dragging it on, so I told him I didn’t feel the chemistry and didn’t see it leading anywhere. He appreciated my honesty and wished me luck with what I was looking for.

I told my friend A about it, and he asked me “What is it that you’re looking for?”

That question made me realize that what I want – beyond finding someone with a shared passion – is to be in love! I want to experience something that sweeps me off my feet. Not a logical arrangement or something that “works”, but something magical. 

I read an article recently which talks about why you shouldn’t settle for someone that doesn’t blow you away. Here’s an except from the article: 

If you aren’t blown away by someone, you won’t be capable of falling in love with him or her. That’s what love is.

It’s being caught off-guard. It’s being surprised — shocked, even — that a person who feels so right really exists.

That’s what I am looking to experience, and today was nowhere near that. You could argue that I only spent a few hours with him, and that I may be swept away if I gave him a chance. But I have learned to trust my instincts, so I knew this wasn’t it. I’ve also experienced having a first conversation with someone where it turned into something deep and magical, and being absolutely blown away by who that person is- so I know what that feeling is like. 

A part of me is a bit scared though. What if I’m no longer capable of being blown away? What if I’ve become so numb that I won’t ever be wow’d by someone again? 


Of Fries And Forgiveness 

For those of you who’ve been following my blog, you may recall this post about the man I thought I was going to marry, who lied to me that he had cancer (and lied about everything else).

It’s been three years now, but I haven’t really been able to move past it.I have been through breakups before, and had gone through family troubles when I was young, but those incidents weren’t a match for the pain I felt when this happened. It was as if someone ripped my heart up into pieces. More than that, I was ashamed of how stupid I had been. That’s when I gave up.

Screw relationships, screw love, screw it all. Everything was a lie. There’s no happy ending waiting for me.

And with that thought, I locked the door to my heart and threw away the keys so that even I couldn’t get in. I figured there was no place for my heart in this loveless life.

I started dating men I saw no future with. Men who explored the curves of my body but never the corners of my mind.

I went through a series of unsatisfying relationships and made a hobby out of accumulating pain. I told myself I would never forgive this man for ruining my life. I was determined to hate him forever, and clung tightly onto the anger and resentment for the past three years.

A few months ago though, I came to the realisation that ‘hate’ was too big a burden to carry. It drained the life out of me, and something needed to change for me to live a fulfilled and happy life. I knew what the answer was, but I had been resisting all along: the only way I could free myself was to forgive him. But how could I, after everything he’s done?

I then learned that the definition of ‘forgive’ is ‘to give up the right to resent someone or the need to punish them’. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone their behaviour, it simply means you stop resenting them and in doing so, set yourself free.

And that’s exactly what I did. I wrote this man a note to say I forgave him, and meant every word of it.

What happened afterwards was a sense of liberation like I’ve never experienced before. All this time I’ve been carrying around a heavy bag filled with anger and hatred, and now that I’ve thrown the bag away, it’s as if a huge weight has been lifted.

It’s not easy to forgive someone who’s hurt you, and definitely not easy to restore your faith in humanity. But that’s really the only way to heal your wounds and experience love and happiness. For the first time in my life, I can say I am genuinely happy. I wake up each day feeling grateful for being alive. I see love all around me, and I have faith that love is waiting for me :)

Reminds me of a song:

And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky one,
‘Cause most of us are bitter over someone.

I’d like to leave you with this last thought: let’s not fill our hearts with bitterness, no matter the circumstances. Life is too short and precious to give up on love.




Of Fries And Can We Be Friends?

I got to talking to this girl during my weekend creative writing class, and I was telling her about my blog. The conversation happened over lunch – where I had a side serving of fries on my plate – of which I only had 3 pieces, yay! Sorry, just had to brag :)

Anyway, we got to talking about men, and this girl had a pretty strong belief that men and women can’t be friends. For her, the notion was absurd and impossible.

As for me, I’d like to believe that men and women CAN be friends, because most of my good/best friends are male (and if her theory held true I’d be left with virtually no friends!)

Having said that, I’m actually struggling with making new guy friends.

I grew up with brothers, so I always feel I get along better with men. Because of this, when meeting a new group of people, I find myself naturally gravitating towards men more than women. For some reason I feel more at ease around men, and the conversations seem to flow better.

So I’m in a new city, I’m meeting all sorts of people. I meet a bunch of cool people, some of which are guys. We talk, we click, we laugh. We exchange numbers and make plans to meet. I’m happy to meet this cool person who has similar interests and to have a new friend in the city whom I can catch up with.

The trouble, though, is that I wanted to be friends, but he wanted the benefits too.

I’ve had to deal with a couple of these situations in the past few months, and so I tried a few approaches to see which one works best.

The up-front approach
This is where, before agreeing to meet up with a guy, I say something like “I just want to let you know that I’m agreeing to meet you as friends. I’m not looking for more, so nothing will ever develop out of this beyond friendship. I want to be upfront to avoid awkwardness and unmet expectations.”

The results?
Didn’t work so well. One guy said he still wants to keep pursuing me in case he can make me change my mind. I guess the flaw with this approach is for someone who enjoys a challenge, saying this to them is like holding up a green light saying “come get me”

The hint-drop approach
I found this really useful for the new year, because people always ask what your new year resolutions are. If the guy doesn’t ask, I make sure to ask him so he can ask me back. To which my response would be “my resolution? Just trying to give up things that are bad for me, you know, alcohol, fries, men”.. He is intrigued and respond with “Men?” And I proceed to talking about how I have no place or time for men in my life etc. One guy responded with “but you’re talking to one”, to which I casually said “yup, guy friends are allowed”

The results?
I actually don’t know if this approach worked (hah!) It might have just made them less likely to tell me what they’re really thinking, but that’s fine by me.

The play-dumb approach
This is where I literally play dumb. If he compliments me, I pretend I didn’t hear it. Or if it’s via chat, I ignore it and change the topic. When saying goodbye, if I sense he’s leaning in for a kiss, I would just wave or give a quick hug and go off. I basically ignore all attempts and proceed as though nothing has happened.

The results?
I think this is the easiest one to do because it doesn’t require any confrontation or conversation, but it’s also the least effective. By brushing it off, he might think he needs to try harder.

I generally prefer to be upfront and honest, so we get it out of the way and just be friends. The whole playing dumb thing bothers me because I hate the idea of leading someone on. But at the same time, I struggle to bring it up especially when the guy isn’t being explicit about it. He might just go all “Woah chill the f*ck out girl I wasn’t into yo ass”

So, that’s my story. I’m still not sure what the best approach is but I stand by my belief that men and women can be friends. I’m sure there are male-female friendships which don’t work, and some of my new friendships may never work out. But there are also same-sex friendships that don’t work. The way I see it, some friendships are meant to be, and some aren’t – regardless of whether you’re male or female :)

What about you guys? Do you think men and women can be friends? And if you have any bright ideas on how to tell a guy you just want to be friends, please do share :)



Of Fries And Discovering Patterns

I was reading through my old diary entries recently, and realized two things:

ONE: I was such a DORK!!
TWO: Every single diary entry had something to do with boys. Like literally e-v-e-r-y one of them. I would blab on about my “crush” in each entry, and somehow managed to constantly find new boys to ‘crush’ on and write about.

I was 11 years old when I had my first crush. He was an American boy who came to visit for a while. When he went back to the US, I went through great lengths to get his address and sent him a love poem (which I composed), only to get back a ‘let’s be friends’ note. I was heartbroken, but I got over it pretty quickly when I met my second crush at the age of 12.

Crush #2 was the first guy who ever rang me. Back then we were still using home phones. We would arrange a time for him to call every day, and I would wait by the phone at that exact time. If someone else (like my grandma) happened to pick up the phone, he would hang up and keep calling again until I was the one who answered. I still remember my family discussing a ‘prank caller’ who kept calling at 6 pm. Oops.

We hardly got to meet because I was too young to go out on my own (according to my parents). After a short period, it became difficult to sustain a ‘relationship’ only through phone calls, and even more difficult for both of us to be free at the same time everyday. So things started to fade. Also possibly because I met my new crush.

From ages 13-15, I had a series of crushes. One of them had dimples. One was tall and played basketball. Another was someone I met in an online chat room. My diary entries were a roller coaster of emotions from “yay, he talked to me today!”, to “he hates me.. I want to die :(” I wrote poems about each one, wrote their names and drew hearts around, took candid photos of them and taped them to my diaries. You would think I was some kind of serial killer if you saw my diaries!

When I was 16, I finally had my first real date. I remember we went to the movies, and this guy who was 4 years older than me had “forgotten” his wallet. I paid for his ticket and mine. Halfway through the movie, he turned to kiss me. It was my first kiss and unlike what I saw in movies, there were no fireworks, no sparks, no butterflies, no nothing. It was just awkward and sloppy and unromantic. I remember feeling horrible as though my first kiss had been “stolen”.

That relationship only lasted for two months. We got together on Valentine’s Day, and broke up on April fools day :D

After him, I met a guy who would become my first ever infatuation and obsession. We went on a few dates and spoke on the phone, but he wasn’t looking for something serious – which at that time I didn’t understand. I wasn’t (and still am not) good at taking ‘No’ for an answer, so I spent the next few years making it my “mission” to win him over. I bought him gifts, did chores for him (I went over to his shop and mopped the floor for him!), called him everyday, wrote him love letters. I was one desperate chick.

Until I met someone else at the age of 19. He was my first real boyfriend, and we were together until I was 24.

After we broke up, I had a couple of rebounds, and one of them became my second obsession. Let’s call him frenchie. Many of my blog posts are about him. Of Side Orders and Casual Relationships,  Of Unavailable Fries and Men, and  Of ‘Limited Time’ Fries And Men, to name a few.

When I turned 25, I decided I need to get over frenchie, and so I got myself into possibly the worst relationship of my life. I wrote about him in Of Fries and Trusing Your Instincts and Of Fries And Hope.

I wasn’t even 26 when I got back to my obsession with frenchie, and it became this on and off thing for about a year. During this time I also dated a few other men, since my thing with frenchie wasn’t exclusive.

Last year I was 27, and went through a series of short-term relationships. Some were more intense than others, but they all had one thing in common: they weren’t going anywhere. 

In my quest for ‘love’, I had gone from trying to find the man of my dreams, to thinking I had found him, to believing there was no such man and that I would be better off just having fun with men whom I saw no future with.

I turned 28 yesterday, and it dawned on me that I haven’t been free of men for nearly two decades!

I tried to think of a reason behind this.

Is it an act of rebellion? I grew up in a strict household and it was an unspoken rule from the day I was born that the guy you date is the guy you marry. It seems like I was rebelling, but then I was writing my first name with these guys’ last names, so I must have been thinking about marriage to some degree?

Is it a way to escape? I wasn’t happy with the way things were at home, and maybe being obsessed with these guys gave me something to ‘escape’ to / daydream about?

Is it low self esteem and constant need to be liked?

Maybe it’s all of the above and more, I don’t know. All I know is after having discovered this pattern in my life, I am more determined than ever to break the pattern.

I think now is a good time to focus on me and on doing all the things I want to do – without being worried about whether or not I have someone to ‘crush’ on.  That’s my resolution for 2015 and the years to come.

Another resolution is to cut down on my other obsession: fries.

You must be wondering what would become of this blog if I was cutting down on fries and men. Hah! I guess you’ll have to stay tuned to find out :)

What about you guys, what patterns have you discovered about yourself and your love life?




Of Fries And The Disappearing Act

I remember when I started dating – about 10 years ago (oh my!) – it was relatively easy for someone to ‘disappear’ if they were no longer interested in continuing a relationship with you.

Social media didn’t exist, so you couldn’t track their every movement.

There was certainly no Whatsapp, so you couldn’t track their ‘last seen’.

If someone chose to simply ‘disappear’ from your life, one of these theories could hold true – at least in your head, which was good enough to serve as some sort of closure: “maybe he lost his phone” (the classic), “maybe he got bitten by a rat and got rabies and died”, “maybe he went to climb Mt Everest and never made it back”, “maybe he was in Hawaii and a volcano erupted”, and so on and so forth.

Fast forward to NOW. While you may disappear by ignoring someone’s messages, you can’t stop them from seeing your movements in the online world.

In the earlier days of Facebook, things you ‘Liked’  wouldn’t show up on newsfeed – now they do! So all your Facebook activity is pretty much tracked. Even if you didn’t do anything on facebook – by just being ON Facebook, you’ll show up on the Facebook chat as ‘online’.

You could choose to *not* go on Facebook at all. But if you use whatsapp, it will show up if you’re ‘online’.

Sure, you could block someone from all your social networks & phones. But let’s face it, the world is getting so much smaller that you’d probably run into this person at a gathering somewhere, or chances are you have mutual friends, or if you’re really unlucky then you might live in the same neighborhood.

Point being: in today’s world, it is near to impossible to simply “disappear”. Yet, some people still believe they can get away with the ‘disappearing act’

Consider this (totally made-up but totally possible) scenario:

One day a guy shows up at my door and says he’s got a delivery for me.
I open the package, and it’s a box of fries – my favorite!
I ask him what it’s for, and he says it’s just because.
I smile, thank him, and accept his fries. We say goodbye.

Next day, the guy shows up again with fries.
And the following day, and the day after that.

Eventually, I let him inside because he is oh-so-nice for giving me all these free fries.

He comes back everyday with fries, and I let him in everytime now. He starts to grow on me. I’m fat but happy.

One day, my FryMan stops showing up.

Oh no.. did something happen to my FryMan..? Did he get hit by a truck? Did he hit his head & lose his memory?

3 days of no fries (or FryMan). I feel my world falling apart. I go for a walk.

I bump into FryMan on the street – the dude is alive and well – all body parts intact, memory intact.

I want to ask him why he stopped delivering my fries, but that would sound too demanding, like I was expecting him to deliver my fries everyday (even though I was). I decide to go with something less presumptious..

Me: Hey, how are you? (Translation: Where are my fries?!?)

FryMan: Hey.. tired (Translation: don’t ask me about the fries)

Me: Oh.. okay.. doing anything much today? (Translation: are you planning on delivering my fries at some point?)

FryMan: Not sure.. probably rest (Translation: No fries for you, lady)


Him: Thanks.. bye (Translation: I’ve actually got another fry delivery to make.. it’s just not addressed to you)

How many of you can totally see yourself as you were reading this scenario? (All hands should be raised up high at this point).

Which brings me to my real question: Is there some kind of etiquette one should adhere to before disappearing?

I mean, it seems kind of rude doesn’t it? You’ve been talking and hanging out for a while and things seem to be going well, and all of a sudden the person just… disappears. No calls, no messages, no nothing. (And I *know* for a fact that you didn’t get eaten by sharks because I *just* saw on my Facebook newsfeed that you ‘Liked’ Kim Kardashian’s ass).

So that just leaves me here wondering what the hell is going on?

To be fair, I guess I can understand that sometimes people lose interest. It’s happened to all of us. Maybe I was hoping to receive a notification, something like: “Hi, I will no longer be delivering fries to you, sorry about that and thanks for your understanding”. I’d probably still be pissed off, but it will at least give me some closure.

What do you guys think? Is the ‘disappearing act’ is an acceptable way of ending things?



Of Less Fries And Men

You wanna know something funny? Ever since I started this blog nearly 3 years ago, my life has been revolving around fries and men.


Well, because I figured now that I have a blog about fries and men, I need to immerse myself in those things so I can be true to my blog.

At certain times when fries and men didn’t feature much in my life, I would feel like I was doing something wrong. Like I was betraying my blog by not feeding it stories.

I moved to a new city recently though, and decided I want to change my life in a positive way. For starters, I wanted to focus more on me. I realized that by being in and out of flings and relationships, I hadn’t been able to truly focus on the single most important thing in my life – Me! I also decided I would start taking better care of my health and fitness.

In simple terms, I wanted my life to be less revolved around fries and men.

But what about my blog?

I shared this dilemma with a very good friend (also an amazing human being), and he said something really powerful:

“You’re a person with a blog, not a blog with a person”

He was completely right. Here I was, living as though my blog was my life, when the simple truth is that my blog is just what it is: a blog.

And with that realization, I’ve started my journey of living a balanced and healthy life which doesn’t revolve around fries and men.

I still allow myself to have fries from time to time – but it is no longer an addiction or something I crave for. And no, I didn’t become a hermit or a nun. I still go on dates and have my fair share of fun, but I no longer make men the center of my universe.

I am spending more time discovering myself and doing things I love. And you know what, I feel more empowered and happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

And I want to invite all of my readers to try it. Try making your life more about “YOU”, less about fries or men (or whatever else that your life has been revolving around). I promise you’ll see a positive difference :)



Of Fries And Never Lower Your Standards

Today I threw away a box of French fries. No, not an empty box. A box-full of uneaten French fries. Yup, that box is now in the trash can. And no, ‘trash can’ is not a nickname for my fridge :D

I’ve been eating healthy these days and decided I would reward myself with fries today. I waited with excitement for my fries to be ready, and finally the box of fries – which felt like a box of treasure – was handed to me. I sneaked my fingers inside the box, took out one fry, and put it in my mouth.

It was.. hmm..

Well, it wasn’t horrible.

But it wasn’t that great either.

I sneaked out another piece of fry and took a bite, anticipating that it would taste better. But it only confirmed my first reaction.

Don’t get me wrong, the fries weren’t bad – they were edible. And if this was a few months ago, I would have added some sauce & finished the whole box anyway.

But I guess I love my body a bit more now, and I’ve been making an effort to be healthy. So if I’m going to allow JUNK to go in my body, it better taste so bloody amazing that it makes my tongue go to heaven! There’s no way I’m going to lower my standards and make do with just ‘edible’ fries.


Which reminds me of something my sister always says (in fact she just said it again today):

Don’t ever lower your standards. Not even one bit.

Obviously she didn’t mean it in the context of fries :P But I’m sure will be happy to know I’m also applying her wise words towards men & dating.

It’s been a series of dateless weekends for me, and well, there are guys I could probably meet just to fill my Friday or Saturday nights. But I guess I love myself a bit more now too, and I’d rather spend my weekends alone than spend it with someone who isn’t bad, but just ‘isn’t that great’.

So here I am, it’s 10 PM on a Saturday night, I’m sitting on my couch, in my pj’s, eating oranges for dinner. And I couldn’t be happier about it :)



Of Fries And F*ck the Rules

I had an enlightening conversation today with J – over fries of course ;)

We were talking about how sometimes women hold back even though we’re interested in a guy, because we believe we should follow a set of ‘rules’ or ‘steps’ in dating. Rules like ‘no kissing on first dates’, or ‘no spending the night at his place’, or ‘no sex until the third date’ or ‘never text him first’, you get the drift. The list goes on and on.

A lot of these rules are carved in our brains through magazines, books, relationship blogs, friends, mothers, and hairdressers. We have the rules memorized, we recite them before going on a date (do *not* go home with him!), and we refer back to them throughout the course of the date.

For example, suppose I’m on a first date, and there’s this perfect moment where we are both sitting under the stars, and the guy leans over for a kiss. My immediate reaction would probably be to pull away even if I wanted to kiss him, because in that split second I have consulted my rulebook and Heaven forbid if I were to kiss him, I would be letting my hairdresser down!

I’ve never really questioned these rules or given much thought to them. They were just something you followed because you’re supposed to.

But J said something today that really made me think:

‘You’ll always have different dynamics and connection with each person you meet, which is why it doesn’t make sense to apply the same set of rules to everyone. That’s not how dating works.’

And J is completely right. By following certain rules, you’re preventing yourself from reacting spontaneously to someone based on how they make you feel. There might be people you connect more with, which means you’ll behave differently towards them than you would with others, and that’s absolutely fine.

Just like it’s absolutely fine to eat your fries whichever way you want. J had his with ketchup, while I had mine with mustard – yum :)

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