My 15-year-old sister is new to the exciting world of dating and relationships and had a ton of questions piled up. Questions like,
Who should pay on the first date?
(which resulted in a heated debate on feminism, equal rights, and the world’s economy)
How much effort should we put into a relationship?
What if a girl makes more money than the guy?
How do you know if he’s the one?
And so on and so forth.
Being the big sister, I am expected to have all the answers. The right answers. But my answers didn’t make sense, and it led to even more questions.
That’s when it hit me. And what I’m about to say could potentially blow your mind away.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there are NO right or wrong answers. (bam! Are you blown away?)
It’s like asking
What kind of fries taste the best
How crispy do fries need to be
When’s the best time to eat fries
There are no ‘right’ answers to these questions about fries, because it varies according to each person’s tastes and preferences. For instance, some people may like their fries crispy, but I actually prefer soggy fries.
Bottom line being – There are no set rules on how fries should be consumed, just like there are no set rules on how relationships work. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily have to work for the rest of us. No one can really tell you how a first date ‘should’ be, or what type of guy you ‘should’ date, or what an ideal relationship ‘should’ be like.
Since no one else can answer on your behalf, the questions to ask yourself would be more along the lines of,
What do I like?
What would make me happy?
What type of person would I want to wake up next to everyday?
But in order to answer these questions, you have to do one thing : know yourself. Know what you like and what you don’t like.
But how do I know what I like or don’t like?
I can already hear my sister asking.
Unfortunately there are no shortcuts to self-discovery, and only through life experiences will you start to learn more about yourself and your preferences.
I know I don’t like curly fries because I’ve tasted them.
I know I can’t stand men who are controlling because I’ve dated them.
The tricky thing about knowing yourself, however, is that people change! You might like fries with ketchup today, but tomorrow you could discover that you actually prefer fries with mayonnaise. You might have to try 10 different type of fries before you know what you really like. But that’s okay, you learn as you go.
So, to my sister who is just starting her journey towards self-discovery : This is YOUR life. There are no set rules, no set deadlines, no shoulds, no rights, and no wrongs. Get out there and live. You will meet tons of guys. Most of which will help you figure out what you don’t like. Then you will meet more guys who will make you discover what you hate. But have faith and keep going. Because when you finally know what you like, you will find exactly that. I promise you.