Of Unavailable Fries and Men

A few days ago, after a long day at work, I decided to reward myself with some Junk food. I wasn’t craving it, but I had been eating healthier lately, so I figured it was okay to indulge a little.

I walked into KFC and mentally debated between a burger or fries. I wasn’t particularly in the mood for fries but a burger would be too filling, so I ordered my usual Cheese Fries. I dug into my wallet searching for coins, and heard the guy at the counter mutter something, but I didn’t catch what it was. I continued digging and as I was giving him a handful of coins, he said it again. Those horrible words.

“Sorry ma’am, we are out of cheese fries”
“What?” I asked, not believing what I just heard.
All of a sudden, I want those hot, golden, melted UNAVAILABLE cheese fries more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life!!

There was a McDonalds right next door, and I could have just gotten regular fries instead, which would have been equally delicious, but No! I want cheese fries. I need cheese fries. I love cheese fries! I can’t picture my life without cheese fries and even if I can’t have it, I will still wait around and think about it every minute of every day!

Does this sound familiar to you at all? No? Okay, go back and re-read the last few sentences, and replace cheese fries with the name of that emotionally unavailable guy who has you wrapped around his fingers. Does it sound familiar now? 🙂

I think we’re all guilty of chasing after that ’emotionally unavailable’ guy. In other words, that guy who’s totally aloof and unaware. Who always plays it cool. Who never wants to make any solid plans or commit to anything that will last longer than two hours. That guy who only calls at the last minute if he wants to meet up (and of course I’m ready to jump out the door when he calls, since I’ve spent the whole evening fully dressed waiting by the phone). That guy who’s not ready for a relationship and gets away with it by saying things like “I don’t wanna waste your time”, “You deserve someone better than me”, “I don’t want to drag you into my mess”. I’ve heard it all, and fell for it all, unfortunately.

Which brings me to this question : why do we fall for unavailable men? Is it because we always want what we can’t have? Is it because we want to prove some kind of point? Is it just about winning?

Or is it possible that deep down, our insecurities are telling us that we will never be ‘good enough’ until we get these unavailable men to come around? Do we feel we will only be deemed ‘worthy’ if we can get their love?

I guess one important thing I’ve learned about an emotionally unavailable man is that his issues have nothing to do with me. The fact that I cannot get him to change doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. It’s his own insecurities that made him the way he is. And I realized that if I continue to let my sense of worth depend on how he treats me, then I’m going to turn into a very miserable and insecure person.

So, ladies, I leave you with this thought : why spend your energy chasing after ‘unavailable’ cheese fries when there are a million other delicious and ‘available’ fries to choose from? And you know what, once you start paying less attention to Mr. Cheese fries, who knows, he might even start becoming more ‘available’ 😉

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Of Boring Fries And Men

“All of men’s troubles stem from his inability to sit quietly alone in a room” – Blaise Pascal

A couple of years ago, I loved eating plain old salted fries. With no ketchup or sauce whatsoever. Then it got a little boring, so I started to have fries with tomato ketchup. I enjoyed it for a while, until I got bored again. So I switched to fries with mayonnaise. Mmmm. They were delicious. But then, guess what, that got boring too. Then I got hooked on cheesy fries. Yummm! And two minutes later, I was bored and searching for more interesting ways to enjoy my fries.

Okay all this talk about fries is making my mouth water. Let’s get to the point, shall we?

“What’s wrong with me?”, I recently asked S, my good friend & mentor. My latest dating experience has been the most dramatic one yet, and as I recalled other bad choices I made, I really couldn’t help but wonder what’s wrong with me. I just have this knack to dip my feet into a pool of trouble every single time!

“You get bored with one way of things and so you seek to get out of that status quo,” he informs me, “You are always looking for ways to not get bored.” Hmmm..I give it a thought, and come to a harsh realization that my friend is right. I hate being bored. It’s just so… Boring!

So it seems, in order to not ever be bored, I’ve taken a similar approach with men that I’ve done with fries. All my past relationships have been everything but boring. I dated a control freak, jumped to a narcissist, switched to a manipulator, and cartwheeled to a sociopath. I basically went through all the trouble to avoid normal, so that I would never be bored.

But why, you ask, why would someone go through such great extents to keep themselves entertained? This is a tough question to answer, but I guess some of us are always looking for some kind of stimulation. Maybe we feel like something is missing? Or we feel like we’re stuck in a rut? Or maybe we watch too many movies and imagine that our lives should be like that. I don’t know, to be honest.

I do know from experience that, contrary to what you’ve read in 50 Shades Of Grey and the likes, getting into twisted, troubled, dramatic relationships won’t make you feel any better about your life. I mean, sure, you won’t be bored. But you will be torn, broken, devastated, confused, depressed, and a roller coaster of other emotions that can’t even be described. Are all these emotions really worth it, just to keep yourself entertained?

I’ve recently decided that I might try and lay off “entertainment” for a while and go back to plain old salty fries. My life as of lately consists of work, laundry, writing, mindless TV, long walks, fries, and wine, oh lots of wine. Sounds boring? Maybe. Peaceful? Very. For the first time in my life, I can think straight without being overwhelmed with intense emotions. And you know what, it’s not so bad being bored. It’s given me more time to read and write, more time to think about hitting the gym (and possibly even hitting the gym, I hope). As a result of my new boring life, I’m actually happier. So to those of you who share a similar fear of being bored, I urge you guys to try the ‘boring’ thing for a bit. I promise it’s going to be a refreshing change 🙂

P.S. if you REALLY want to be entertained, have a look at these Guys with fries

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