A few days ago, after a long day at work, I decided to reward myself with some Junk food. I wasn’t craving it, but I had been eating healthier lately, so I figured it was okay to indulge a little.
I walked into KFC and mentally debated between a burger or fries. I wasn’t particularly in the mood for fries but a burger would be too filling, so I ordered my usual Cheese Fries. I dug into my wallet searching for coins, and heard the guy at the counter mutter something, but I didn’t catch what it was. I continued digging and as I was giving him a handful of coins, he said it again. Those horrible words.
“Sorry ma’am, we are out of cheese fries”
“What?” I asked, not believing what I just heard.
All of a sudden, I want those hot, golden, melted UNAVAILABLE cheese fries more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life!!
There was a McDonalds right next door, and I could have just gotten regular fries instead, which would have been equally delicious, but No! I want cheese fries. I need cheese fries. I love cheese fries! I can’t picture my life without cheese fries and even if I can’t have it, I will still wait around and think about it every minute of every day!
Does this sound familiar to you at all? No? Okay, go back and re-read the last few sentences, and replace cheese fries with the name of that emotionally unavailable guy who has you wrapped around his fingers. Does it sound familiar now? 🙂
I think we’re all guilty of chasing after that ’emotionally unavailable’ guy. In other words, that guy who’s totally aloof and unaware. Who always plays it cool. Who never wants to make any solid plans or commit to anything that will last longer than two hours. That guy who only calls at the last minute if he wants to meet up (and of course I’m ready to jump out the door when he calls, since I’ve spent the whole evening fully dressed waiting by the phone). That guy who’s not ready for a relationship and gets away with it by saying things like “I don’t wanna waste your time”, “You deserve someone better than me”, “I don’t want to drag you into my mess”. I’ve heard it all, and fell for it all, unfortunately.
Which brings me to this question : why do we fall for unavailable men? Is it because we always want what we can’t have? Is it because we want to prove some kind of point? Is it just about winning?
Or is it possible that deep down, our insecurities are telling us that we will never be ‘good enough’ until we get these unavailable men to come around? Do we feel we will only be deemed ‘worthy’ if we can get their love?
I guess one important thing I’ve learned about an emotionally unavailable man is that his issues have nothing to do with me. The fact that I cannot get him to change doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me. It’s his own insecurities that made him the way he is. And I realized that if I continue to let my sense of worth depend on how he treats me, then I’m going to turn into a very miserable and insecure person.
So, ladies, I leave you with this thought : why spend your energy chasing after ‘unavailable’ cheese fries when there are a million other delicious and ‘available’ fries to choose from? And you know what, once you start paying less attention to Mr. Cheese fries, who knows, he might even start becoming more ‘available’ 😉