Of Fries And Trusting Your Instinct

You know how when you first lay eyes on a serving of fries, you could almost always tell whether it’s going to taste good – just from that first look? Well, it was like that for me with the first man I ever fell for. From the first moment I laid eyes on him, I knew he was trouble.

It’s the same story for most men in my life actually – the trouble part, of course, but also the fact that I actually saw trouble written all over them since the first introduction.Their smile always a little too sweet; their dialogue always too smooth, too rehearsed; their eyes always too piercing. And a whole lot of other things that I picked up – all from that first encounter. It was obvious that these men were trouble. But it never stopped me, as I often decided that I liked dancing on volcanoes. So that was that.

There had also been instances where I couldn’t tell from just the first look. And the most recent incident hit me the hardest.

I got into a relationship with this man, who – at the time – seemed like the most perfect man in every single way. With my track record of trouble, I was ecstatic to have finally found someone decent.

Throughout the entire course of the relationship, however, I kept getting strange feelings. Like a vibe, that something wasn’t right. That there was more to it that I wasn’t seeing. Now, up until this point, I had always been a big believer of ‘trust your instinct’, and I prided myself for doing exactly that. But little did I know, when my instinct actually tried to speak up, I completely dismissed it. Here is how the conversation went :

Instinct : Hey, so you seem happy these days
Me : Yeah, I am! Isn’t this guy SO great!! Who are you again?
Instinct : Um, about that… I’m Instinct and I’m here to tell you he’s not as perfect as you’d like to believe.. In fact he’s…
Me : Duh! No one is perfect! But love is about loving the other person’s imperfections, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, isn’t it wonderful!
Instinct : Ah.. Well.. I’m sure love is all about that.. But he isn’t …. this isn’t.. Love…
Me : What do you mean this isn’t love? Why are you trying to sabotage my relationship?
Instinct : I’m not… There’s just something you need to know..
Me : Oh my god! You miss trouble, don’t you? You miss hearing those sweet nothings.. You miss the thrill of it all! That’s why you don’t want me to be happy in this perfect and solid relationship!!
Instinct : No, it’s not that. Please, listen to me, I’m trying to tell you that you need to take a deeper look at…
Me : Stop! This is just insecurity talking! You’re scared I’m going to screw this up and so you’re just trying to get me to run !!
Instinct : No, I’m Instinct, NOT Insecurity! I’m trying to warn you! Please listen to me…
Insecurity : Did someone call me? By the way, what’s with this committed relationship business that you’re in? You don’t seriously think you actually have what it takes to make a relationship work, do you? Stop fooling yourself and go find some trouble, I’m bored!
Me : Shut up, both of you!! I am happy. I am in a healthy, committed relationship, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. Or me. So I don’t want to hear another word from either of you!
Insecurity : Booooooring
Instinct : No, please, listen. I know you think you’re happy.. But you need to..
Me : Shhh
Instinct : I just…
Me : Shhhhh!!

As you can see, that didn’t go very well. And I ended up ignoring my instinct and all of its warnings and red flags. Until six months down the line, my instinct brought out a hammer and hit me straight in the head – an act which I’m forever grateful for. And that’s when it REALLY hit me.

This man was not at all who I thought he was, and if I had listened to my instinct, I would have found that there was more to him than meets the eye, much more. I never could have in a million years suspected it.

It was painful and eye-opening, and I sunk into what I believe was my lowest point. And I came out of it with the biggest lesson in my life so far : Always, always, ALWAYS listen to your instinct! Even if it makes no sense. Even if you don’t understand it. Even if there’s no logic, no reason, no rationalization whatsoever. Listen to it. Especially when it keeps nagging at you.

I reconciled with Instinct afterwards, in case you’re interested.

Me : Hey… Instinct, are you there?
Instinct : Yeah, I’m always here… What’s up?
Me : I just wanted to say I’m sorry for doubting you.. You were right all along..
Instinct : I know. And for the record, I’m ALWAYS right
Insecurity : Cocky bastard!
Me : Shhh!

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Of Fries And What Could Have Been

‘Maybe I should have ordered fries instead’, I often find myself wondering after a not-so-satisfying meal.

I often find myself wondering, actually. About a lot of things, including men and relationships.

‘What if I hadn’t dated him?’

‘Maybe I should have said this instead of that’

‘Things could have been different between us, only if I did this’

‘I would have been happy, if he had just done what I asked’

And there’s also the worst kind of wondering (to me, at least). The ‘what could have been’.

It’s when you meet someone and there’s some chemistry or attraction, but nothing has come out of it. Maybe because he was seeing someone at the time. And when he broke up, you were seeing someone. And when you both were finally single, one of you moves away. Whatever it is, the timing is just never right. Sometimes that initial moment of attraction goes away and you end up as friends. But sometimes it still lingers and every now and then, you find yourself wondering ‘what could have been’ if you two had gotten together.

Well, guess what, I bumped into my ‘could have been’ guy just a few days ago and learned that he was recently single. We were both unattached – for the first and only time since we’ve known each other. It seems that timing couldn’t be more perfect, right? And do you know what happened?

NOTHING. Absolutely nothing, aside from the usual ‘hello, hi, how are you, good to see you, bye’.

I was disappointed by this little encounter, of course. But you know what, it freed me. I got my answer to ‘what could have been’ (Nothing), and I was finally able to stop wondering and let it go.

I’m also reminded of a French saying my friend C once told me. It goes something like ‘si ma tante en avait, on l’appellerait mon oncle’. Roughly translated, ‘if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle’.

Basically, the underlying message is that it’s fruitless to wonder about things that aren’t real. And I couldn’t agree more – you can keep playing these ‘what-ifs’, ‘should-haves’, ‘could-haves’, and ‘would-haves’ scenarios in your head a thousand times, and end up with the harsh reality that “nothing” would have come out of it.

I’d like to leave you with the wise words of Tupac, as I believe he sums it up best :

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*** on.” – Tupac

So if you’re wondering about a certain someone right now, why not take a break from it. Just relax, take a deep breath, and trust that if it’s meant to happen, it will happen 🙂

#Fry-tip You can stop wondering how McDonalds french fries are made and find out from this lovely French Fry blog

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