‘Maybe I should have ordered fries instead’, I often find myself wondering after a not-so-satisfying meal.
I often find myself wondering, actually. About a lot of things, including men and relationships.
‘What if I hadn’t dated him?’
‘Maybe I should have said this instead of that’
‘Things could have been different between us, only if I did this’
‘I would have been happy, if he had just done what I asked’
And there’s also the worst kind of wondering (to me, at least). The ‘what could have been’.
It’s when you meet someone and there’s some chemistry or attraction, but nothing has come out of it. Maybe because he was seeing someone at the time. And when he broke up, you were seeing someone. And when you both were finally single, one of you moves away. Whatever it is, the timing is just never right. Sometimes that initial moment of attraction goes away and you end up as friends. But sometimes it still lingers and every now and then, you find yourself wondering ‘what could have been’ if you two had gotten together.
Well, guess what, I bumped into my ‘could have been’ guy just a few days ago and learned that he was recently single. We were both unattached – for the first and only time since we’ve known each other. It seems that timing couldn’t be more perfect, right? And do you know what happened?
NOTHING. Absolutely nothing, aside from the usual ‘hello, hi, how are you, good to see you, bye’.
I was disappointed by this little encounter, of course. But you know what, it freed me. I got my answer to ‘what could have been’ (Nothing), and I was finally able to stop wondering and let it go.
I’m also reminded of a French saying my friend C once told me. It goes something like ‘si ma tante en avait, on l’appellerait mon oncle’. Roughly translated, ‘if my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle’.
Basically, the underlying message is that it’s fruitless to wonder about things that aren’t real. And I couldn’t agree more – you can keep playing these ‘what-ifs’, ‘should-haves’, ‘could-haves’, and ‘would-haves’ scenarios in your head a thousand times, and end up with the harsh reality that “nothing” would have come out of it.
I’d like to leave you with the wise words of Tupac, as I believe he sums it up best :
“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overanalyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f*** on.” – Tupac
So if you’re wondering about a certain someone right now, why not take a break from it. Just relax, take a deep breath, and trust that if it’s meant to happen, it will happen 🙂
#Fry-tip You can stop wondering how McDonalds french fries are made and find out from this lovely French Fry blog
I needed this today. I’ve been playing the “what if” game in my brain for sometime now and I think I’ve finally gotten my answer of “nothing” too. If only I hadn’t wasted so much of my time worried about it, haha!
🙂 now stop worrying about wasted time… There’s nothing wasted as it got you to this realization didnt it 🙂
I agree! You’ll be much wiser the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.
Tupac. French Fries. French quotes. The pondering of relationships and…men. What’s not to like?! 🙂
Thank you :):)
I can assure you – if it were as easy to forget about someone like that, I would have done it. Did nothing happen because you didn’t want it to? Didn’t send the message you were interested? Sent the message you weren’t? Maybe he was hesitant to say something because he read you wrong? Or maybe it’s not that nothing happened, perhaps you changed your mind and didn’t want it to. Trust me, you can read a conversation a dozen different ways. It’s never black and white – that’s for sure.
You’re right, it’s never easy to forget about someone. And I don’t have the answers to your list of questions, and for the first time in my life – I will not attempt to answer them. I guess I’m just in no mood to analyze and go through all the ‘maybes’ and replay everything I said and everything he said. Trust me I’ve had enough years of my life doing that! So perhaps right now I just go with the flow, and whatever happens, happens whether I over analyze it or not 🙂 I do get you and I agree it’s never black and white. I’m just OK to let it go, that’s all.
I once heard that just because you miss someone doesnt mean that they need to be back in your life.
I’d have to agree with that just based on personal experience 🙂
The hardest part is deciding what constitutes a possible second chance.
I think you really have to think it through. There is a reason you put a stop to it in the first place. Has that reason gone away? If not, will a 2nd chance make anything better? Or sometimes you don’t even need to think about it, you just KNOW that it will never work. And so there’s no use to drag it on. That’s my way of looking at it anyway.
Well in my situation I was broken up with. I was willing to fight so I think that’s a different perspective.
Hmm.. what are your thoughts then? There must be a reason the other person thought it was irreconcilable – hence the break-up? From my experience, the person who is broken up with tends to take more time dealing, only because it came as unexpected vs the person who did the breaking up who actually had time to think before they decided to break up. It’s not fair of course, but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for the best – even if it hurts like hell now. So keep your head high 🙂
I needed to read a post like this long ago! Recently I got back in touch with an ex-girlfriend after having not talked in any way for five years. During those years I always believed things would’ve worked out if the timing had been better. Now we’re both single, sparks seemed to be there, then a couple weeks later she stops returning my calls. Ugh!
I can totally relate ! Don’t worry, everything happens for the best, and you’ll find the right person for you – which will make you realize why it didnt work out with your ex 😉 Thanks for stopping by & leaving a comment 🙂
I love this. It’s true. I wonder the same thing often. I always tell myself whats meant to be will be, but sometimes I wonder if that thinking isn’t true…and if it’s not..what then? Maybe it’s all one big shit show of people never going after what they want. Either way, love the post, and love your concept.
You got something good goin’ here! Thanks for your follow. Tech fist bump.
😀 thank you so much ! and yes, tech fist bump!
You’re so spot on. Always look at things “as is”, and not dramatize it anymore than it is. Wondering what coulda, shoulda, woulda is going to make NO difference in life – accept it as is. If you want something more, make a deliberate desire, and then still, let it go. If it comes, it comes. Keep your vibrations up! Great entry 🙂
“not dramatize it anymore than it is” — can’t agree more!
Thanks for reading & leaving a comment 🙂
Thank you for finding me and bringing me here. It looks like a great place to hang out! I will beeeeee baaaaacccckkkkk!!!!