When I got out of a long-term relationship a few years ago, I got myself into a casual arrangement with an emotionally unavailable man.
Why? Because I didn’t want any more relationship drama.
Ironically enough, with my luck in men, it turned out to be an emotional-and-dramatic-long-term-on-again-off-again thing – which I’ve yet seen the end of.
But, the good news is, I get to share the valuable lessons I’ve learned with you guys, my dear readers 🙂
So, here are my five rules of casual dating.
1) Get out of denial
The most important thing, before you do anything else, is to stop being in denial. How do I know this? Because I’ve lived it. Before I dubbed myself Queen of the Fries, I was Queen of Denial.
Maybe this will lead somewhere.
I remember telling myself that, because I had never been in a ‘casual’ relationship before. I’ve had one serious relationship prior to that. And it was the ‘right’ way to do things as far as I’d been brought up. You date so that you get into a relationship so that you build a future together. Makes sense, right?
Until I met this guy – charming, a killer smile, great dancer, impeccable manners, amazing way with words.
I wasn’t ready for a relationship at all. And anyway, he wasn’t relationship material. We had amazing chemistry and loads of fun together, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit I was ‘casually’ dating him. It just didn’t sit right in my books. I felt guilty for being involved with someone I don’t see a future with (thanks, Mom).
So what did I do instead? Convince myself that it would lead somewhere, and that it wasn’t going to be all in vain.
It’s like lying to yourself that these fries aren’t that unhealthy. (Yes, they are) or saying I’ll have just one fry. (No, you won’t, nobody has ‘just one fry’).
Deep down, I already knew the truth. I just refused to let myself believe it.
So, the first step is to face the truth:
You want to eat fries because they’re freakin’ delicious.
You want to date this guy because you want to have fun (or because he has nice abs, or whatever the reason).
It’s as simple as that. There’s no need to feel guilty, or try to rationalize or justify it, or turn it into something else.
Just own it, and enjoy it. You’ll be surprised how liberating it feels to step out of denial.
Rule #2 here
Rule #3 here
Rule #4 here
Rule #5 here
I will never tire of the comparison of dating/men to fries lol. I love it. Second – this is certainly a very helpful rule, too bad I’m not capable of casual dating. I say this because for me.. it’s either dating or we’re just friends. If I’m dating then I like him and I want it to turn into something. If we’re just friends then nothing remotely “dating” like will ever happen on those “dates.” I can’t do it, but maybe that’s just me. I do agree though if that’s what a person is comfortable with then yes denial has to go out the window. It’s never useful in any situation. 🙂
Thank you for the kind words 🙂 It’s good that you know your boundaries i.e. what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not… I’m actually writing about that in one of the next rules of casual dating.. stay tuned 🙂
Very good and funny post. I can empathise with certain situations. I have had too many casual dates than i care to remember. I just cannot seem to find someone on my wavelength. Am i being to picky or too elitist?
My friends say that opposites attract, but how many princesses have married binmen? I am beginning to think it is an intellectual thing or is it just maturity….mens lack of it? lol
I know, I feel the same way. But honestly I’d rather go through a thousand binmen and eventually get to the RIGHT one, than settle for the binmen now.. 🙂
Wow, just the insight I needed! Thanks. If there are any new rules, please feel free to take a peek at my current casual dating situation as I’ve mentioned in my blog and let me know…any advice would be superrr appreciated 🙂
I’ve had a couple casual things in the past year or so, and am realizing I’m not cut out for it. I envy people who can handle it and fancied myself to be one of them until I started freaking out about him not calling or texting and wondering where this was going all the damn time. I’m not sure if I can train myself to think differently, but I’m definitely fascinated with reading about others who are comfortable with such situations.
In my recent long stint as a single person, I’ve also realized that men come and go, but fries are always there for me.