Rule #1 here
Rule #2 here
3) Draw the line
Okay, so you’ve stepped out of denial and decided that you will indulge in some fries, without asking about the calories. Good for you.
But does this mean you should run off to McDonalds and munch down six orders of fries? I should hope not. Which is why it’s important to draw the line.
There comes a time in life, where you have to draw a line in the sand and say, ‘This is where I stand’
In every relationship, it’s important to set boundaries, and it’s no different when you’re in a casual relationship.
Drawing the line means asking yourself:
1) Where do I stand?
2) How far am I willing to go?
3) What am I okay with?
4) What am I not willing to accept?
To put it in context,
My line is when the guy I’m casually dating says he has a girlfriend but wants to continue seeing me – that’s a game-changer. Sorry, Olivia Pope, I adore you and I hope you end up with Fitz, but I’m not willing to be someone’s side-chick.
My line is also when I realize I want more out of this than just a limited time fun. That’s actually a red flag because it means I’m starting to fall for this guy. When this happens, I see three ways it can go :
1) He doesn’t feel the same way, and I get out of it.
2) He feels the same way, and the casual relationship turns into a more intense one.
3) He doesn’t feel the same way, but continues to string me along. I like him enough so I stay. And it ends up destroying me.
Because I’ve been through all of those 3 things, I can safely say that I allowed #3 to happen because I had not drawn a line.
Which brings me back to the importance of having boundaries.
Ask yourself where you draw the line, and then draw it.
Rule #4 here
Rule #5 here
You ARE a Goddess. I’m going to pass this on to all the young (and older) women I know. Every single woman needs to keep a copy of this in her purse. The same advice goes for single guys too.
I am FAR for that but thank you for your kind words.. I’m just a girl with too much experience on said issue .. happy that I can be of help 😀
Very sage advice even for those of us who don’t want casual relationships. Everyone needs to be able to draw lines or regardless of the situation, you’ll get strung along. As for the side chick thing – well there are also issues with the fact that would also mean hurting someone else, etc. Even I can recognize that casual relationships are not meant to do that. Not to mention that’s one selfish a$$ dude to want two women like that. Geez.
Now comes the hard part : applying it 🙂
Omg I know! Application is so tough but in the end worth it. 🙂
So true, and such great advice for ALL relationships, even marriage, which sort of points to the #2 “way it can go”. For me, what started as a casual relationship, turned intense pretty quickly and then led to marriage. Even in marriage those boundaries are important.
From the start of the relationship I thought I was doing everything “right”…accepting him for who he was, forgiving him when he screwed up. But I didn’t set good boundaries. Hell, i don’t think I set many boundaries at all. For lack of a better way to put it, I gave away the farm (lol), because I was so afraid of becoming the bitchy, nagging, restrictive girlfriend/wife. Especially once we were married I didn’t think I needed boundaries. I mean, if the guy loves you and commits to you, then he’s not going to take advantage of you, right? Wrong… I was so, so wrong. What I didn’t realize until much, much later was that you can do those things (acceptance, forgiveness) in a relationship and still set strong boundaries for the sake of you and the sake of the relationship. And you can do it without being a B about it.
No boundaries leads to a general lack of trust and respect in the relationship. Not much of a foundation to work from, whether the relationship is casual or long term. For me, trying to establish some boundaries, develop mutual trust and respect, 25 years into a relationship….and he wasn’t having any part of it.
I know exactly what you mean, and it was the same for me in my relationships – I didn’t have any boundaries, and the price I had to pay for that.. But we live and learn, and at least we realize now that we need to draw the line somewhere. Thanks for sharing your story!