After two days of waiting and wondering why he hasn’t texted (and stuffing my face with fries in the process), I decided to consult J, one of my best guy friends who’s also the sexiest man on earth (J, I’m sure you loved that).
And I’m glad I did that, because it gave me some really useful insights on what goes on in a man’s mind when he doesn’t text right away. I’m summarizing my conversation with J into a list of Frequently Asked Questions as to why he hasn’t texted:
We had a good time, and he did seem interested, but why hasn’t he texted me?
Well, it depends on the guy. Every guy has different rules. Some might text the next day. Some might choose to wait a few days.
But if he likes me, shouldn’t he text me everyday?
Do you expect him to do that? Because not every guy will. Some guys prefer to do as little messaging as possible, so that the conversation doesn’t become boring. If you’re texting all day, you can run out of things to say.
Could it be that I did or said something to turn him off?
Usually it’s not about you. It’s more about them. Since you don’t know what they have going on in their lives.
So it’s possible that he wants to see me again, even if he hasn’t texted?
Sure. Just give it a few days.
My conversation with J was really eye-opening and made me realize that I was obsessing for no good reason.
First of all, why did I expect a guy I had just met to suddenly start texting me everyday?
Secondly, even if he did do that, wouldn’t the fact that he was ‘too keen’ turn me off anyway?
And finally, what possessed me to tie my self esteem to a text message from a guy?
Having realized all of that, I decided to get a grip and remove this obsession from my mind space. And well, it was at that point where I stopped waiting & checking my phone, that I finally got that text from him 😉
I hope this post is useful for all of you who’s been wondering why he hasn’t texted. I think the most important thing to remember is not to doubt yourself, ever!
P.S. If you have any messages or questions for J, feel free to leave them here and I’ll make sure he gets them 🙂
It’s so easy to get caught up in these little things. I’m a big supporter of your point not to let your self-esteem ride on one guy’s text! I think everyone does it occasionally and sometimes we just need to take a step back to get a little perspective 🙂
Totally.. although most of the time we’re in over our heads so it’s hard to take a step back 🙂
Most excellent! Yeah I agree and quite frankly am a little embarrassed I hadn’t thought about the self-esteem part of it really because you’re absolutely correct. It really is silly how we associate our self-esteem to such things and that’s far too much pressure on ourselves and wholly unrealistic. I also had to laugh when you mentioned that really, if some guy did start texting every day and all day, it probably would turn us off lol. It would feel like he’s too needy and that’s never good. Go figure. Glad to hear you “waited” so to speak and that it’s worked out for the best. 🙂 Here’s to continued success.
‘Continued success’ – i like that .. and of course now I need to actually figure out what ‘success’ means for me :p
Guy friend’s rock!
Sorry I meant guy friends rock*.
I know.. right? 🙂
TOTALLY feel you on this one. I have a horrible horrible habit of overanalyzing and worrying. You’ve made me feel normal! LOL.
You’re not the only one as you can see.. hehe
As a guy who is a bit too eager to text/call/respond I can tell you that the reverse seems just as troubling to female love interests. I’m trying to learn to not be the guy who’s too available. Somehow striking that balance between aloof and attentive is quite difficult. For some guys anyway. 😉
It’s actually a relief to know guys go through this too .. thanks for sharing.. really helps to hear what a guy thinks 🙂
Oh, i feel you on this issue. I hate texting because it makes me second guess everything. Is he texting enough? Is he texting too often? There were more 🙂 and 😉 last week, this week there are none, is that bad? Ugh to the overthinking. What on earth did we women obsess over before texting existed?
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P.S No offence if you don’t accept the award 🙂
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I find binge-watching TV shows helps me keep my mind off my phone 🙂 And I totally hear you on the self esteem being linked to the frequency of the messages.
That was very helpful! However, I have a question for J!! The guy I’m talking to used to text me every single day. He works long hours so he’s a busy guy, but he would still find time to text me, even if it’s after work to tell me goodnight. We recently went on our fifth date and it was wonderful, we both had a great time. I know he did because he kept suggesting we do things so we could hang out longer. Ever since then, he hasn’t really been texting me. Like five days without texting. I know that he’s busy, but how can he go from texting everyday to not? What changed?
Can you tell me more about your situation? Who usually initiates the texting/planning? If the guy is usually the one doing that, he might be waiting for you to initiate as well.