So recently I had a ‘last date’ with this guy I’ve been seeing. Relax, he didn’t die or anything (thank God!). It was our last date because I was leaving the city.
Before I tell you how our last date went, let me first tell you that he’s the same guy whose text I was waiting for. He’s also the same guy who made me realize I may want more. And the same guy I was holding back from.
Looking back at these posts, there seems to be a pattern in terms of my thought & behavior. I get insecure around him, perhaps because he’s quite secure with himself and seems to ‘have it all’. Or maybe it’s because he doesn’t get in touch with me as much as other men have (or as much as I’d like him to). Or because he’s the first nice & sane guy I’ve met in a long while. Or it could be that I actually like this guy (more than I’d like to admit). Well, I guess it’s all of the above.
Anyway, being insecure around a guy you like –> SUCKS. In case you haven’t experienced it, let me paint you a picture of what it’s like:
Every time he sends you a text, you spend hours decoding it with your girlfriends (picture a scene from CSI or House). And when he hasn’t texted, you spend hours wondering why (most of the time you automatically assume he’s with another girl).
When he asks you out, you’re excited but also wonder if it’s because the other girls on his list aren’t available. You then start panicking over the fact that you’ve been pigging out lately and now have nothing to wear. You finally pick your best dress after trying about a kazillion outfits, and manage to convince yourself that you look pretty.
When you do meet him, he’s even more attractive than you remember, and you forget how to speak English for a few minutes! You also now feel like the ugliest thing on earth and regret wearing that horrendous dress.
When you’re hanging out, you’re constantly analyzing everything he says to figure out if there’s a deeper meaning (OMG he just told me what he wants his daughter to be named. Does that mean he wants me to be the mom? OMG!)
And constantly worried that you’ll say the wrong thing so you stick to safe topics like animals and food (after all, who doesn’t love talking about dogs and tofu!)
So that pretty much sums up most of our dates. Not to say we didn’t enjoy ourselves, I mean, we did have good laughs. But there was always this fear at the back of my head that prevented me from really enjoying it. Fear of doing or saying something that will turn him off. Fear that he wouldn’t call me again. Simply put, fear of being rejected.
Our last date, though, turned out to be the best date we’ve had.
Because, for the first time, I didn’t have any fears or insecurities in my head. I guess it’s because I was leaving, so I didn’t really care how the date went. I was able to just relax and be myself, without worrying about what he said or what I said. We ended up talking for hours about all kinds of things – real things – not just dogs & tofu! I genuinely had a great time and I know he felt the same way.
It made me realize that in dating, you can never have a fulfilling experience if you spend your time worrying and over-analyzing. The same way you can never enjoy fries if you keep worrying about the calories while you’re eating them. So, ladies, get out there and be ‘fearless’ (as Taylor Swift puts it).
Oh my goodness I laughed and smiled. You know why, it’s because it’s women do these thing so often that they made a movie about it… How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
I’m in a post relationship phase that I call, “I’m done telling the story.” I haven’t written about it, but maybe I should?
Either way I like what you say here and I find you very entertaining 🙂 Please continue!
And somehow I watched that movie and thought “I would neverrrr do that” hehe.. You should DEFINITELY write about it, I’ll be waiting to read it 🙂 And thank you so much for dropping by and for your kinds words 🙂
So I had this whole schpeal I was going to say but re-reading it…it sounded dumb lol. I’ll just say this – glad it went well! Glad to hear that you’ve learned some valuable lessons mostly about yourself. I know I’m right there with you for sure. I say – don’t be ashamed to stick to the fries you know you love and the rest should follow. 🙂 The right fries won’t ever make you have so much self-doubt anyway – you’ll feel right at home with them. Just a thought. It also sounds like you’ve moved and starting a new adventure of some kind – that’s cool! Best wishes as always! 🙂
Yay! I’m always looking forward to your comments – because a) you always have something positive to say and b) you always make me think. And you’re absolutely right, I should totally feel at home when I’m with the ‘right’ fries – that’s an idea for another post 😉 I just moved to a new city and I’m looking forward to the new adventures and fries and men 🙂 i hope I do land up in your city one day so we can have these talks face to face over fries! Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts .. Always appreciate it 🙂
Thank you for the sweet compliments! I look forward to your posts just as much. I enjoy your writing and the metaphors are fun but also well done. I am looking forward to what adventures you have and sharing them with us. I too hope that we can meet up eventually…I’m sure it’ll make for some fun conversation ha! 🙂
I’ve been there! Both the worry and the letting go of worry! Definitely more fun when you feel less anxious.
If only it was so easy to let go though – I’m still learning 🙂