I had an enlightening conversation today with J – over fries of course 😉
We were talking about how sometimes women hold back even though we’re interested in a guy, because we believe we should follow a set of ‘rules’ or ‘steps’ in dating. Rules like ‘no kissing on first dates’, or ‘no spending the night at his place’, or ‘no sex until the third date’ or ‘never text him first’, you get the drift. The list goes on and on.
A lot of these rules are carved in our brains through magazines, books, relationship blogs, friends, mothers, and hairdressers. We have the rules memorized, we recite them before going on a date (do *not* go home with him!), and we refer back to them throughout the course of the date.
For example, suppose I’m on a first date, and there’s this perfect moment where we are both sitting under the stars, and the guy leans over for a kiss. My immediate reaction would probably be to pull away even if I wanted to kiss him, because in that split second I have consulted my rulebook and Heaven forbid if I were to kiss him, I would be letting my hairdresser down!
I’ve never really questioned these rules or given much thought to them. They were just something you followed because you’re supposed to.
But J said something today that really made me think:
‘You’ll always have different dynamics and connection with each person you meet, which is why it doesn’t make sense to apply the same set of rules to everyone. That’s not how dating works.’
And J is completely right. By following certain rules, you’re preventing yourself from reacting spontaneously to someone based on how they make you feel. There might be people you connect more with, which means you’ll behave differently towards them than you would with others, and that’s absolutely fine.
Just like it’s absolutely fine to eat your fries whichever way you want. J had his with ketchup, while I had mine with mustard – yum 🙂
Great post! It seems like we are on the same page about the “rules”. I love it when I find like-minded people- it makes me feel more sane!
This has actually turned my whole idea of dating upside down… And I love it! Definitely going to throw my rule book out the window for the next date!!
I’m glad to hear! Let me know how your rule-free date goes 🙂
It is exhausting to juggle how you want to react with the advice of relationship coaches *sigh*
Totally feel your pain 🙂