Of Fries And Forgiveness 

For those of you who’ve been following my blog, you may recall this post about the man I thought I was going to marry, who lied to me that he had cancer (and lied about everything else).

It’s been three years now, but I haven’t really been able to move past it.I have been through breakups before, and had gone through family troubles when I was young, but those incidents weren’t a match for the pain I felt when this happened. It was as if someone ripped my heart up into pieces. More than that, I was ashamed of how stupid I had been. That’s when I gave up.

Screw relationships, screw love, screw it all. Everything was a lie. There’s no happy ending waiting for me.

And with that thought, I locked the door to my heart and threw away the keys so that even I couldn’t get in. I figured there was no place for my heart in this loveless life.

I started dating men I saw no future with. Men who explored the curves of my body but never the corners of my mind.

I went through a series of unsatisfying relationships and made a hobby out of accumulating pain. I told myself I would never forgive this man for ruining my life. I was determined to hate him forever, and clung tightly onto the anger and resentment for the past three years.

A few months ago though, I came to the realisation that ‘hate’ was too big a burden to carry. It drained the life out of me, and something needed to change for me to live a fulfilled and happy life. I knew what the answer was, but I had been resisting all along: the only way I could free myself was to forgive him. But how could I, after everything he’s done?

I then learned that the definition of ‘forgive’ is ‘to give up the right to resent someone or the need to punish them’. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone their behaviour, it simply means you stop resenting them and in doing so, set yourself free.

And that’s exactly what I did. I wrote this man a note to say I forgave him, and meant every word of it.

What happened afterwards was a sense of liberation like I’ve never experienced before. All this time I’ve been carrying around a heavy bag filled with anger and hatred, and now that I’ve thrown the bag away, it’s as if a huge weight has been lifted.

It’s not easy to forgive someone who’s hurt you, and definitely not easy to restore your faith in humanity. But that’s really the only way to heal your wounds and experience love and happiness. For the first time in my life, I can say I am genuinely happy. I wake up each day feeling grateful for being alive. I see love all around me, and I have faith that love is waiting for me 🙂

Reminds me of a song:

And if you’re in love, then you are the lucky one,
‘Cause most of us are bitter over someone.

I’d like to leave you with this last thought: let’s not fill our hearts with bitterness, no matter the circumstances. Life is too short and precious to give up on love.


 
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02

Dec

Of Fries And Hope

I’ve tried several times to write the long version of the story, but I just couldn’t. There were so many details, and once I started to think back, well I just didn’t want to go back there.

You’ll understand why as you read on.

About a year ago I met the man I thought I was going to marry.

He was the first man I ever brought home to meet my family.

I loved him, my family loved him, hell, even my dogs loved him.

He was perfect in every way.

Then he told me he had cancer and my world turned upside down.

I put my life on hold. Turned down a job offer in Europe. Fought with family. Alienated myself from friends.

I cried myself to sleep every night for two months, praying and asking why.

Wait. Before you jump to conclusions, let me stop you right here.

This is not a tragic story where my lover dies and I’m left with a huge hole in my heart and vow to be single for eternity.

This is also not an inspirational story where a man fights for his life, with his girlfriend by his side.

And this is definitely not a story about miracles.

This is a story about deception.

It turned out he lied about the cancer. It also turned out he lied about everything else, including what he did for a living. In fact I don’t think I ever knew him at all.

What hurt the most wasn’t that he lied to me or that he took my money.

It was that he took away the last glimpse of hope I had.

I had already been through bad relationships prior to him, and I was skeptical even before getting into this relationship. It also didn’t help to have divorced parents.

But meeting him had given me hope. For the first time in my life, I took a leap of faith and allowed myself to believe in happy endings.

It’s been over a year now, and while the pain has subsided, the wounds have not completely healed.

I’ll admit that a part of me is still angry. But there’s also another part which believes it happened for the best.

As for the hope part, well, I’m not exactly putting myself out there or jumping into another relationship. In fact, I might have been hiding out on my couch & eating fries.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have a tiny speck of hope left. Cause even though I’m a skeptical bitch, I’d like to believe that I’m a ‘hopeful’ skeptical bitch 🙂

And when I’m ready, I’ll get my ass off the couch and open up again.

Until then, here’s to #couchingandhoping

P.S. Thanks to sites like DatingASociopath which made me realize I’m not alone and got me through that horrible time.  Also thanks to my instincts for waking me up.

'Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption'

‘Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption’

18

Mar

The Queen’s Favorite Blog Award

I have just come across a blog which is truly inspiring and touches me in a very personal way.

So, for the first time ever in the history of Of Fries And Men, the Queen’s Favorite Blog Award goes to…

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Dating A Sociopath by Positivagirl

Congratulations and thank you for creating such an amazing blog!! I may have learned it the hard way but I truly hope this blog serves as a warning to all the women out there. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to always trust your instincts!!

And to all the fries-and-men-lovers out there, please do show Positivagirl some love and check out her blog 🙂

Lots of Love and Fries,

Queen of the Fries

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